Healing My Divine Masculine

January 16, 2018

A new chapter in this life has begun and burst forth from the depths of my soul. Today is the first session with my dearest friend Radhaa of Goddess Code Academy for healing my Divine Masculine. Having known her for over 7 years as my spiritual coach she's the only one I trust and believe in furthering my healing and evolution.

From the first day I committed to my healing program with her back on November 22, 2011 there has been an incredible transformation and evolution in mind, body, and spirit. Many rich lessons and experiences have come since then and my heart is filled with joy and gratitude. We all have a finite time on this planet and this reality and it is important to fully live in the present. Our past teaches us the much needed lessons needed for further evolution. An evolution towards our future and higher self.

I've learned to truly open myself up beyond my five senses and start asking the questions my soul wants. No more of being bound by belief systems that hides the truth and creates illusions that keeps me in a prison of my own making. It goes beyond a primeval yearning and every cell in my body holds memories of many, many lifetimes. My life as a man today is filled with searing painful memories dating back to the time when the Divine Masculine was toxically wounded and separated from the Divine Feminine. I seek to understand and release myself and the collective from the wounds of thousands of years. 

In my cellular DNA is where these memories reside and require healing. When I started my healing and reconnecting with my Divine Feminine years ago through Radhaa's Goddess Code Activations modality there was no turning back for me. I was tired of all the false illusions and self-imposed fears created by a belief system not my own. I wanted truth and balance within myself. Now after all the years of work from the lessons I learned from her I am ready to go deeper and further. And so this new journey begins.

I lay down in bed comfortably as Radhaa guided me gently by phone through this first class. Breathing in and out with purpose slowly and deliberately while holding the Lemurian seed crystal she gave me helped me get into a state of calm and peace. The tension in my body dissipated and I could feel and visualize the oxygen enter and spread cell by cell all over my body all the way to my toes. My entire body relaxed and felt like a feather. 

I entered into this relaxed meditative state and Radhaa guided me expertly to access my Akashic records. A violet light flickered softly at first and radiated all over me and I could see it become stronger and stronger. This was then followed by a golden white light that began flashing like a strobe light. I was hurtled into the past back into an ancient world where the skies were grey and the stench of death and fear permeated everywhere. 

I slowly surveyed my surroundings in this dreamscape and the first thing I saw was this raven perched atop the branch of a dead tree. The tree overlooked a village destroyed and burning with dead bodies scattered all over. The village had become a battlefield and I recognized this was where I perished thousands of years ago. I was mortally wounded in battle and our conquerors were Roman soldiers. 

I stood on a field drenched in blood from the bodies of dead soldiers, women, and children. As far as my eye could see there were burning huts and wagons and I could smell the acrid smoke and stench of burning wood and flesh. There was an eerie silence interrupted occasionally by the sounds of the dying gasping their last breaths. The battle was over with hardly any survivors and even the conquering Roman soldiers were quiet and numb. I was trembling with anger, fear, and despair at the carnage as I slowly walked through the land. I fell on my knees and started crying as I recognized the dead body of my wife from that time. 

I gently picked up and held her lifeless body bloody from the sword wounds. Weeping and with tears of rage rolling down my cheeks I looked around and there were more bodies everywhere. A few feet ahead I saw a group of wounded but surviving Roman soldiers standing looking shell-shocked from the carnage. I wanted to pick up any weapon be it a sword or spear and charge them with malevolent intent to kill. I figured that since I was mortally wounded and bleeding to death I may as well take some more of them with me.

Instead I just looked towards them and screamed, "Why? Why? Why?" 

They turned their gaze towards me and just stood silently. Radhaa guided me to go towards them and ask further. She asked me too how I felt. My gut was churning and I felt tremendous rage and despair. I wanted revenge but I needed answers too. I then found myself in the middle of this group of soldiers. They were weary, bloody, and numb and some of them were just young men. One of them answered, "We didn't have a choice. This is war and we were just following orders."

This soldier looked like he was barely out of his teens and already I could see in his eyes his soul was dead. He had been numbed by all the killings and destruction and he was weary of life. I turned to the others looking for more answers and asking them, "What if this was your own wife, mother, sister, brother, and anyone else in your family?" 

Another one answered, "It's a choice between our empire living or dying. We follow the orders of our generals and emperor. If we don't, we die too as sacrifices or sold as slaves."

I answered back, "Is death and destruction the only way you have been taught to live? Who are your leaders?" They turned and pointed to the north and in the distance I saw a man in a Roman general's armor heading back with an entourage of other officers and soldiers.  Trailing behind them were wagons and chariots filled with their plunder of treasure from the villages they had destroyed. They had taken some of the young men from my village as their slaves. The women in the villages were raped and then murdered and the little children too. 

Radhaa whispered to me to follow them and ask more questions from their king. The next part of my vision is of me in this palace in ancient Rome and sitting on a throne was this young man I assumed as their emperor king. Surrounding him on both sides were middle-aged men dressed in fine robes. 

This emperor looked bemused by my appearance before him and I asked him why my village and its residents including my wife were slaughtered. With a cold, dagger-like stare he said, "You peasants should know that the meek don't inherit the earth. This is the way it has been for centuries and power and control is what the world respects."

I responded angrily, "What have we done to you and your kingdom? We lived peacefully and suddenly your men invade our lands, rape and kill women and children, take our treasures, our horses, and our crops. What is right about all this?"

He replied with a sarcastic chuckle, "It's not about being right. People like you must be taught to fear and respect my power. I am the absolute ruler of this kingdom and this is my mandate. War is how we take what we want. Take a look beyond the palace walls and you will know what I mean."

I took a look outside and a horrifying sight greeted me. Stretching from the walls of the kingdom were crosses of crucified men on both sides of the road as far as the eye could see. I cried out in horror and everyone just laughed.

The emperor added, "This is how my father and my ancestors ruled after we learned from the hordes of  barbarians that kept invading us from the east. We learned that only through responding with the same violence and aggression did they minimize their invasions. Now we are the ones that dominate the world. You are naive to think that diplomacy always works. Let our weapons and soldiers be the peacemakers on our terms."

I shook my head as I could not fathom this violent mindset. Were men really like this? I could feel my own rage and hatred start to rise and I so wanted to grab one of the swords from one of the palace guards and exact revenge. But a part of me stayed my emotions in this dream state and I was then whisked back to my village. My last vision was of this king and his followers celebrate victory in their palace and have wine and fine food be served by female servants subservient to them.

They did not start out that way but rather they turned into raging and greedy men because conquests through war, violence, and aggression was what they were trained to practice and believe in for thousands of years. This was my vision of the past and it is in the past we seek to learn the lessons for the present to evolve to a brighter and happier future.

These visions were terrifying and I could feel the pain, confusion, and despair on both sides as men have been inculcated into this toxic masculinity beyond their control. Only those who awaken and seek the balance of the Divine Feminine can help heal the wounds of the Divine Masculine. I forgave these men and all those before them and I felt a big relief as the churning in my gut eased. It was as if an enormous burden of countless generations of wounded men had been forgiven and healed.

I thought my visions from this session were over but I found myself going much deeper into the past. I found myself in Egypt during the time the pyramids and the Sphinx were being built. I found myself in this huge ornate palace and there was this young man I assumed to be a pharaoh gazing at a statue of the Goddess Isis. He was talking to her statue and asking why the feminine was disconnected from within him. He was asking too when this separation happened and he was confused with everything. He was also tormented by his masculinity in its aloneness morphing into something he was afraid of becoming. I feel the presence of Isis strongly surround me and there is much more to learn.

This was the last part of the vision I could remember from this first session on healing my Divine Masculine. I know and feel there is much more work to be done internally. I face it with courage and a commitment to see it all through. I am grateful for this first experience and eager to dive deeper to balance the Divine Feminine and Masculine within. For healing of the collective to happen it has to come from within. Only then will a completely whole man be able to truly arise and balance the world with a completely whole woman. As the Divine Feminine is now strongly making its presence felt to give voice to the females who have been oppressed for so long there must also be the rise of it in males. 

This is all part of the sacred balance within and without for both genders to heal this world and themselves together.